Big Time Secrets
by Novemer 2 1990
Summary: What secret has Kendall wanting to commit suicide? Takes place originally where Big Time Secrets did, except the spinner didn't land on James.


**A/N This is Big Time Secret with my ideas and some of the ideas from the storyline.**

**Disclaimer: I own only some of the ideas, any ideas recognized from the episode is written by Scott Fellows.**

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**Camille's Pov**

I loved secrets, and now we have a chance to spill them. We are playing this game Lucy knows of, called what is the worst thing you have done to someone in the room that they don't know about.

We spun the wheel, and after the anxious waiting, it landed on Logan. I loved that boy. Logan said, "Okay, so um, Kendall. You remember Jo?"

Kendall said, "Yeah."

Kendall looked nervous, and Logan started to sweat a little bit. Logan said, "I kissed her when you guys were dating. She was drunk, and I was sort of drunk we kissed multiple times, but then I saw you, and I made her promise not to tell. Also that week that Jo avoided you, Jo was really with me, and we had kissed multiple times."

Kendall looked crushed. Everyone knew that Kendall was still in love with her, even though she was on the other side of the world. Kendall looked down, and sad. Logan said, "Don't kill me."

Kendall just said, "You kissed my girlfriend behind my back."

James said, "Technically she isn't your girlfriend, you guys did break up before she left."

Kendall said, "I can't, I'm out of here."

We played for another ten to twenty minutes, before Lucy left. About half an hour after Lucy left, I saw Kendall and Lucy come back, and Kendall looked calm and relaxed. It was about fifteen minutes after Kendall came back that he got a phone call from Jo. Kendall declined it, and then Jo called again. Kendall declined it again. Jo called James and he answered.

Jo asked, "James where's Kendall?"

James said, "Um, he is right here."

Jo said, "I need to talk to him."

James said, "I don't know if that is the right thing to do right now."

Jo asked scared, "Did he find another girl?"

James said, "No."

Jo said, "Again, I really need to talk to him."

James put Kendall on the phone, and he asked furiously, "What?"

Jo asked, "Kendall why are you mad?'

Kendall said, "Jo you kissed my best friend behind my back."

Jo said, "Kendall listen, it was an accident. I went to that party with you, and I got drunk, I thought Logan was you, so I went up to him, and made out with him, thinking he was you. Then during the week when you and I weren't talking, Carlos dared Logan to kiss me, to get back at you for taking his helmet. I didn't know what to think when Logan kissed me, other than about you."

Kendall said, "Jo you know what, we aren't dating, and you can date anyone you want."

Jo said, "I need to ask you if it would be okay if we see other people."

Kendall fainted. Jo asked, "Kendall is it okay?"

After five minutes, Kendall said, "If you are happy then I'm okay with it."

Jo said, "Great."

Kendall left, and went to his room. I felt bad for him. He was in love with Jo.

_About one year later_

Kendall has been depressed, and resulted to drugs, and alcohol, and cutting, and other stuff, we have had to have him see a counselor, he did all that because he found out Logan kissed Jo, and because she wanted another boyfriend.

Jo walked through the doors of the Palm Woods, and She went and knocked on 2J. She went and Kendall opened the door. I could tell he was in love again. He just slammed the door in her face. He tricked me with his emotions. I felt bad for Jo. I was in 2J with Logan and Kendall. Kendall went and sat on the slide. He said, "I can't look her in the eyes without her glance staring at me making me feel guilty."

Logan said, "What's your secret?"

Kendall said, "After we were playing that game at Lucy's, Lucy and I kissed. I can't look at Jo, knowing I kissed another girl that is not her."

Logan went and opened the door. Jo was there holding her nose. She went and sat next to Kendall, and hugged him. She said, "I missed you so much."

He said, "Jo I kissed a girl behind your back a few days ago."

Jo said, "But at least you didn't get drunk, and make out with my best friend."

Kendall stepped closer to her, and held her close. Jo touched his arms, and his face, and asked, "Did you cut yourself?"

Kendall said, "Yes."

He looked sad, and Jo said, "You know cutting isn't a good solution."

He said, "I know, but it was just because you said, you wanted to see other people, and I got jealous and depressed that you wouldn't be mine again. I am in love with you Jo."

Jo said, "Kendall, you will always have a special place in my heart, a very big special place. I just need to tell you."

She looked away, and I kissed Logan lightly. Kendall asked, "Tell me what?"

Jo said, "You are going to hate me."

Kendall said, "I can't hate you."

Jo said, "I am kind of dating someone named Jacob."

Kendall got furious. He shoved Jo off of him, and got up and left. Logan went after him. I sat with Jo, and she said, "I knew he would be mad, but I can't have him now."

I asked, "What do you mean?"

Jo said, "I have to date my co-star Jacob, until the movie releases, but then he fell in love with me, and won't leave me alone. He said that I cannot get back with Kendall. I miss being with Kendall, but I didn't want to get back with him immediately."

I said, "Jo, Kendall is devastated. He has been cutting himself because he has been sad that you aren't his girlfriend again."

Jo said, "I need to find him a girl."

I said, "We tried, but he only wants you."

Jo said, "I can get him into dating another girl."

Logan walked back with Kendall, and Kendall said, "I'm sorry I got mad, I just got mad that you aren't my girlfriend anymore."

I left, and Logan left as well, but we put our ears to the door. Kendall said. "It's just you were my first love, and seeing you with someone else has me jealous."

Jo said, "Kendall I love you and all, but you really need to get a girlfriend."

Kendall said, "Jo I can't I am in love with you."

Jo said, "Kendall let me set you up on a date with a really good friend of mine, I can't have you kill yourself over me."

Kendall asked, "Will you always be there for me whenever I need you?"

Jo said, "Of course."

Logan and I opened the door to Jo kissing Kendall's cheek, and hugging him goodbye. Kendall held her so tight, Jo said, "Kendall, please let me go."

He let her go, and then Jo left.

Over the next couple of weeks, I have noticed Kendall hanging out with a couple of girls, and Jo with her new boyfriend. I've seen Kendall get jealous when Jo was kissing him, and Kendall would cringe every time Jo was near him and with Jacob. Jo and Kendall would hang out as friends, but whenever there was a hint of romance Kendall would make a sour face, or groan. We wanted to see the new movie Catching Fire **(A/N Imagine that Catching Fire was new, I know it has been out for a while now).**

There was a romance part with Gale, Peetah, and Katniss. That is like Jo, Kendall, and Jacob. Many fans didn't like Jo because of who she dated. They wanted her to date Kendall, but that was just the Big Time Rush fans. Jo's fans started to like Jacob. As we went into the theater, it was Carlos, then James, then Katie, then Logan, then me, then Kendall, then Jo, then Jacob. When the part in the movie came and the monkeys appeared, Jo accidentally grabbed Kendall's hand, but in about one minute later, she let go. Kendall groaned out really loud. James shushed him, and I whispered, "Kendall what's wrong?"

Kendall whispered, "Everything, she is supposed to be my girl, and she grabbed my hand then let it go."

I said, "Let's go outside for a minute."

I got up with Logan and Kendall, and we went to the bathroom area. Logan asked, "Ken what's wrong?"

Kendall said, "I can't stop thinking about her, I am in love with her, but she isn't my girlfriend anymore. I just can't see her anymore; I can't help but fall in love with her every time I see her."

I said, "Sit on Logan's left, and we will both move down a chair, and I will sit next to her."

Kendall said, "Fine."

We got back to the theater and the movie ended just five minutes later. Jo said, "I thought I was sitting next to Kendall."

I said, "Jo can we go to the bathroom for a few minutes."

Logan had to hold off Kendall, so he wouldn't try to kill Jacob. Jo asked, "Camille what is up?"

I said, "Jo, Kendall is in love with you he told me and Logan in his sad voice, I can't stop thinking about her, I am in love with her, but she isn't my girlfriend anymore. I just can't see her anymore; I can't help but fall in love with her every time I see her."

Jo said, "Kendall is a cute guy who can get any girl he wants."

I said, "But he can't."

Jo asked, "Why?"

I said, "Jo this boy is in love with you, I don't think he can get any girl he wants, since he can't get you."

Jo said, "I am going to talk to him when we get home."

Jacob was being protected by Carlos and James, and Kendall was ready to attack him. Jo came out, and Kendall just sat down. I said, "Hey everyone but Kendall let's go to the arcade."

Jo stayed here, and I pulled Logan back to listen. Jo asked, "Kendall what is wrong?"

Kendall said, "I can't take it anymore."

Jo said, "I'm confused."

Kendall said, "I can't stand seeing you with him."

Jo said, "Kendall you have to move on."

Kendall said, "I can't."

Jo said, "Okay close your eyes and imagine that you are on a picnic basket, and your perfect girl walks up to you. You guys have a picnic, and then you guys kiss."

Jo looked at Kendall and he is trying to kiss her.

Jo said, "Kendall, I can't be the perfect girl."

Kendall said, "Jo I can't do this."

Jo said, "Kendall imagine a girl playing hockey that you really like."

Kendall had his eyes closed, and made a heart sign.

Jo said, "Kendall I can't be the hockey girl."

Kendall pouted, and then Jo said, "Kendall imagine a girl who you really like, and also can't be me, and just imagine that she is the perfect girl."

Jo said, "Kendall it can't be me."

Kendall said, "It isn't, it is Taylor Jo."

Jo said, "It can't be my name backwards."

Kendall said, "Jo Marie."

Jo said, "Kendall it can't physically be me, my middle, first or last name rearranged."

Kendall said, "Jo I really like you."

Jo said, "Kendall, that's really sweet but I have a boyfriend."

Kendall asked, "Jo why did I let you go?"

Jo said, "You wanted me to go to New Zealand to film a movie."

Kendal just said, "I'm done trying to get you to be with me, I am done, done, and done with all of this crap."

Kendall walked away, and left. Jo said, "Guys I need him to understand that I don't like him." I kissed Logan's cheek, and then I went back to 2J with everyone. Jacob left, and Kendall was passed out on the floor with a note and a razor. He had written, I couldn't take it anymore, Jo won't love me again, so I am done, I can't live knowing there is another guy who could be kissing her. It is 10:30 when I did this, so good bye world.

It is now 10: 40. We called 9-1-1 and paramedics came, and they took Kendall away. They had him lifted away. Jo got into the ambulance with him, and then we met them at the hospital. It was an hour after Kendall was being looked at. Jo was in there with Kendall, and you could see she was sad. She said, "Kendall, I know you probably can't hear me, but I still like you, maybe we can try us again in a few weeks. I love you so much kiddo, don't die on us, on me, on Katie, on everyone, your fans, etc… I really can't wait to hear you sing."

Jo grabbed his hand, and kissed his lips goodbye, or so I thought she would leave, but Jo just pulled a chair up to him. Jo held his hand and then he actually woke up. Which was about 5 hours.

Jo said, "Hey."

Kendall asked, "Jo where am I?"

Jo said, "Hospital."

Kendall asked, "Jo why am I here?"

Jo said, "You tried to commit suicide, but we found you on the ground passed out with a note on the floor."

Kendall asked, "Why would I commit suicide? I have the perfect life. An amazing job, awesome friends, a cool little sister, a nice mom, and an amazing girlfriend for two years."

Jo said, "Kendall you aren't my boyfriend right now."

Kendall looked disappointed, and freaked out. He said, "Jo, what do you mean? Jo, I thought we were together, what did I do wrong? Jo, Jo, Jo."

Jo let go of his hand slowly, and said, "Kendall I moved to New Zealand, and met someone, you broke up with me right before I left."

Kendall said, "Jo, now I don't want us to be broken up. I want to date you."

Jo said, "Kendall, I can't Jacob is really sweet."

Kendall said, "Jo I can buy you anything you want."

Jo said, "Kendall you don't ever have to buy my happiness."

Kendall said, "Jo I can make you feel like you are the only girl in the world."

Jo said, "Kendall I just can't we aren't together anymore."

Jo kissed his lips lightly then left. Kendall looked devastated. Logan and I walked up to him, and I asked, "Kendall what's wrong?"

Kendall said, "She left me."

Logan said, "Kendall, you won't always meet the right girl, maybe Jo isn't the one."

Kendall said, "I felt something in the kiss."

Logan said, "Kendall you have to let her go."

I left, as they had a guy to guy talk. I found Jo just sitting outside by the fountain, with her eyes all watery. I said, "Jo we need you. What's wrong?"

Jo said, "Everything, Kendall is cutting himself because of me, and I just want him to be happy. I am dating Jacob, and I am happy. I just need him to realize that just because we were in love a year ago that I won't go back to him for a while."

I said, "Jo you need to get back to Kendall, he is going to kill himself one day."

Jo said, "I can't."

She walked away from me, and I followed her to Kendall's room. Jo said, "Hey."

Kendall said, "When I get out of here we can go on our date right?"

Logan said, "He is suffering from memory loss. He forgets what happens, and his only recent memory is dating Jo."

I asked, "How, he only cut himself?"

Logan said, "He is so emotionally depressed, he can't stop thinking about her. She is the only thing on his mind right now, they did a scan on his brain to figure out what he is thinking about, and about 80% is of Jo, 5% is school, 10% is hockey, and 5% is performing. He loves her."

Kendall said, "So our date, I mean why would you say no, we've been dating for two years and all."

Jo said, "Kendall, we broke up, because you wanted me to go to New Zealand. You told me to go, and I went. We broke up, so I have the right to move on."

Kendall said, "Jo why would I ever tell you to go all the way across the world. I love you too much to let you go all the way across the world with out me. If you ever left me, I would probably commit suicide."

Jo said, "Kendall I won't leave you but I am dating a guy named Jacob."

Kendall said, "Haha jokes on me."

He then walked over to Jo, and hugged her. He then gave her a huge sloppy cheek kiss. Jo said, "Kendall I am not joking, I am really dating someone."

Kendall said, "Yeah me."

He then kissed her lips and then said, "See I told you we were dating."

Jo said, "Kendall let go of me, Jacob is my boyfriend."

Kendall threw her to the ground, and left. Logan went after him. Jo was holding her head because she banged her head on the floor. I said, "Jo, if that boy dies, it's on you."

Jo said, "I had liked him, but Jacob is so sweet."

I said, "Would you rather be with a boy who wants you for your fame, or for your personality?"

Jo said, "Personality."

I said, "Would you rather date an actor, or a musician?"

Jo said, "Musician."

I said, "Would you rather date a serious guy or a fun loving guy?"

Jo said, "Fun loving."

I said, "Would you go for a long distance relationship?"

Jo said, "Yes."

I said, "Would you go for an athletic guy, or a model."

Jo said, "Athletic."

I said, "Would you rather be in one long term relationship, or a bunch of short relationships?"

Jo said, "One long term relationship."

I said, "Well, by the means of this, you should be with Kendall."

Jo said, "Fine I'll dump Jacob."

She called him, and dumped him. She went to go find Kendall, but Logan was passed out, and Kendall had more slits on his wrists. Jo just started to cry. We woke Logan up, and Logan said, "He punched me, and then tried to commit suicide."

We managed to get Kendall awake. He said, "Will Jo be mine again?"

Jo walked up to him, and I pulled Logan behind the counter.

Jo said, "Yes Kendall, I will, but you cannot cut anymore."

Kendall hugged her and then he kissed her. Jo kissed Kendall again, and then the two were wrestling on the ground, laughing, and kissing. Kendall had her pinned down, and then he leaned into kiss her, but Jo kept turning her head, and Kendall then eventually kissed her. Jo and him then went to watch a movie. Jo sat in his lap with her arms on his waist and chest. Kendall had his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Logan and I were just lying on the couch, and watching them.

I then watch as Kendall fell asleep, Jo wrapped her arms around his neck, and played with his hair, as she kissed his cheek. Jo just fell asleep holding him.

I guess even after all of this, Jo will always go back to being with him.

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**A/N Hope you like this. I do not advise cutting or committing suicide, I am just trying to prove that his love is that deep. **


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